In a few weeks, we’ll hit the one year anniversary of all of us living through a global pandemic and quarantine. Doesn’t it feel like just yesterday we got the Tom Hanks news alert and the sh*t hit the fan? Good times. The vaccine rollout is chaotic, as expected, so needless to say we’ll all be living this weird limbo version of existence for a little bit longer. Given that for the past year we’ve had little to do besides binge watch TV, I feel like I’ve seen everything there is to see on Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Disney+…any streaming service you can think of, I’ve watched it all.
Chances are you’re in the same boat and are hungry for some fresh TV content. Here’s your solution: The Real Housewives. Multiple franchises, hundreds of episodes, unlimited entertainment – what more could bored people stuck in quarantine ask for?
If you’re new to the series and don’t know where to start, here’s a beginner’s guide to the Real Housewives (not to brag, but I’m kind of an expert). Without me, you could make the amateur mistake like starting with the Real Housewives of Orange County instead of New York, heaven forbid. Think of me as your Bravo spirit guide.
I’ve ranked below from best to worst each franchise, calling out any seasons to skip, overall highlights, and of course the most iconic stars of each.
- Real Housewives of New York City.
Best seasons: 3, 7, 9
Worst seasons: none, this franchise is a masterpiece
Franchise GOAT: Sonja Morgan
Franchise highlights: scary island; any trip to the Berkshires; Luann in the bush; almost dying on a boat in Cartegena; be cool don’t be all uncool; not well b*tch; Ramona’s catwalk
- Real Housewives of Potomac
Best seasons: 3, 4
Worst seasons: 1, 2
Franchise GOAT: Karen Huger AKA the Grand Dame
Franchise highlights: knife toss; Ashley’s husband’s antics; Monique vs. Candiace; the ladies delivering a pizza at Karen’s; Robyn Dixon’s overall existence
- Real Housewives of New Jersey
Best seasons: 1, 3, 9
Worst seasons: 6
Franchise GOAT: Melissa Gorga (sorry Tre)
Franchise highlights: table toss; throwdown at the christening; your husband’s in the pool; Joe Gorga falling in the Bahamas
- Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Best seasons: 1, 2
Worst seasons: 6, 7, 8
Franchise GOAT: Lisa Rinna
Franchise highlights: Kyle stealing Kim’s goddamn house; the e-cig smoking psychic; game night at Dana’s where Kim hid Brandi’s crutches; Mauricio Umansky on our screens
- Real Housewives of Atlanta
Best seasons: 6, 8, 10
Worst seasons: 5, 11
Franchise GOAT: Porsha Williams
Franchise highlights: Bye wig; close ya legs to married men; who gon check me boo; she by Sheree; Porsha thinking the underground railroad was an underground train
- Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Best seasons: 1 (there’s only been one season but this franchise has GOAT potential right out the gate)
Franchise GOAT: Heather Gay OR Meredith Marks
Franchise highlights: Brooks Marks; hospital smell gate; two thumb emojis; unpacking that Mary is married to her grandfather
- Real Housewives of Dallas
Best seasons: 2,4
Worst seasons: 1,3
Franchise GOAT: Stephanie Hollman
Franchise highlights: they’re not hands they’re knives; Stephanie and Brandi’s antics; Kam’s business pitch to her husband for pink dog food; Dee Simmons; LeAnn serving 300 people a single cheese board at her wedding
- Real Housewives of OC
Best seasons: 4,8,9
Worst seasons: 1-3, 10-14 (this one really fell off the wagon in recent years)
Franchise GOAT: No one.
Franchise highlights: it’s been too long since this show gave us anything good that I can’t remember. Skip it.
