The holidays are a reminder of what’s really important in life. It’s a time to reflect on the year, reconnect with loved ones and share in family traditions. It’s also a reminder of how difficult your loved ones actually are.
Sitting around the table with my mom, aunt and sister on Christmas Eve, we suddenly broached on the topic of ‘how hard it is being the oldest/youngest.’ Let’s just things went south quickly in a very National Lampoon Christmas Vacation-like fashion.
Let me preface this blog by saying that there are perks being the first-born. Aside from being smarter and natural-born leaders (not just saying it, it’s scientifically proven), we’re always justified in being bossy and we’re our parents’ favorite by default, because let’s face it – if you’re not first, you’re last. Yet somehow we always seem to get the short end of the stick.
I took a lot away from my aunt (my mom’s oldest sister) at that table on Christmas Eve, and I knew that I worked among a few fellow first-borns, so decided to reach out and offer them a safe place to air their grievances/struggles/pet peeves. Here’s the general consensus:
- Stricter rules
First-borns are our parents’ trial run, the experiment. By the time their second child is born, they’re more relaxed or just plain tired. Stricter rules apply to everything – bedtimes, grades, curfews, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.
“My parents were 800x more strict with me. I had a midnight curfew; my sister didn’t have to have a curfew. I got grounded for everything; my sister never got in trouble.”
“The oldest child is always the experiment because the parents had no idea what they were doing. So they tested out all their parenting skills and had really strict rules. Then the younger siblings come along and get away with murder.”
“Your brother and sister got away with murder while you had all the rules.”
You get the picture.
- More pressure
There’s major pressure to be a role model for your younger sibling(s). Parents usually expect it, but after awhile you almost feel responsible. We go through everything first, so naturally we have to pass on our wisdom. Eventually, you simply want to do better for them and you feel like a failure if they mess up.
“We’re expected to have our lives together while the younger siblings get babied.”
“I can’t ever give my little brother advice without him telling me I’m not his mother. (I know, but I’m older and wiser and trying to save you some trouble, bro!)”
- Being a low key parent
Whether it’s picking them up from school, dropping them and their friends off at the movies or helping them figure out their finances, we’re like a built-in third parent. They come to us for stuff when they don’t want to go to mom and dad, and we always end up paying for dinner.
“Forced to babysit.”
“I’m my sister’s financial and life advisor.”
“I got a bad wrap for being ballsy and not having anyone before me test the waters.”
Being the oldest is definitely not the easiest, but with so much to learn from our younger siblings, it makes it worth all the struggle.
Thank you to the oldest Fishies – Sam, Ashley, Andie, Chelsea and Amanda – for contributing to this blog <3
